Small penises have feelings too.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
