youre lurking in front of me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
