Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
