Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize