I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
