the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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