dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
