Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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