White coat. Heels.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
