and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
