I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
