im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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