Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
