When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
