Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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