My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
