If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
