I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize