3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
