he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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