I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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