so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Be still, my beating vagina.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
