Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
