You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
being pregnant is like rehab
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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