Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
