What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
