Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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