i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
