I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize