Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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