dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
