If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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