I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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