Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
