By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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