I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
