Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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