Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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