dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
