Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
