It's Friday. Sex?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
