You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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