I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Found your dick twin last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
