id be glad to
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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