I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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