I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
