How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize