my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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