I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
