dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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