My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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