my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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