sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
