Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
