weddingsv make me drug and hornr
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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