Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
