i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
