i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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