Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize