Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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