I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
