Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
