I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
