sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
