i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
