the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
