This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
