So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
