i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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