i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
